How to cope with loss. Live.

I found myself wallowing in my grief at the weekend. It hit me that my Gran has gone. But as my last post suggested; She has not gone, she is just less orderly. I suddenly had the urge to runaway. To escape and be free. In times of struggle I have strange ways of coping. Before I could understand myself, I used to self harm. It was a release. A way of venting my stress/anxiety whatever you want to call it. As I got older I would push myself in the gym, walk further, work longer. Now I realise that all I was doing was making myself miserable to make myself feel better. I realise how that might sound counterproductive! But, at those moments when you reach your breaking point and you push through it, you win, you are rewarded with Dopamine. The brain party drug!

So, in my quest to feel better. I chose to live. Gran always liked to hear about my adventures. So I should keep doing it. Gran had 90 years, full of adventure and she would want us all to have the same.

So, I decided to climb a Munro (I tackle one every few years or so). B was kind enough to join me and we had a very strenuous but enjoyable day, dogs included. The walk was tiring, through intense heat, cold, rain and snow! But I got the reward. The summit was peaceful and calm. I feel really proud of all of us. It gave me peace and quiet. A chance to think but also a chance to think of nothing else but the hike. It was much needed therapy.

To Ben Wyvis we trekked.

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That’s not the summit either. That is just the start!

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Those steps were killer on the thighs. And the sun was beating down on us for a stretch. I was worried Zeph would over heat! Originally, we weren’t going to take the dogs, but they got so excited while we packed our rucksacks it seemed harsh not to take them with us. And look how smiley they are! It did get too hot at one point so we stopped for lunch and got the boys to lie down in the heather, in the shade of some rocks.

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Thankfully, it got windier and cooler as we made the ascent,

And colder still, the further up we went:

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And snow. Snow in APRIL! The dogs were in their element as we made it to the summit.

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A little break at the top and time for some family photos!

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I think I will get a few of these printed out and framed. And of course they will be part of next years calendar!

The boys love playing in the snow and Zeph took the opportunity of us walking off the summit to play some tug of war with his Dad;

We made him wear the hat of shame:

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We managed to get some nice pictures as we hiked. Unfortunately, with the summit in cloud, we couldn’t get an all round view. But some nice pictures none the less:

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Some food for the soul. It was a good day of bonding for the four of us. The dogs and us were exhausted but I felt accomplished by the time we headed back to the truck. That’s a real smile. When we got back to the house we all flumped onto the sofa, ate some pasta and drank tea. I was in bed early and my legs are only just recovering now!

I don’t think I will ever know how to deal with loss, but doing something a bit out of the ordinary certainly helps.

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